The Heart of Worship...

Oh my heart, my heart cries out for God.  You see, when I worship I get lost in his presence.  I want more... I have this unquenchable thirst for more of God.  Everyone is born with a different niche and unique desires in their  heart.  Everyone has a different story and a different journey.  God has pursued us all in a different way and we all have different experiences.  When I fell in love with the Lord, the heart of worship was birthed.  Much like the heart of David in the Bible and like the heart of my Abuela.  Music became so much more than harmonies to dance to or sing with.  Music became a way for me to feel the heart of God, a way for my heart to connect and beat with his.  I can never just sing or feel a worship song without emotion or tears.  Tears inevitably stream down my face... some times out of reverence, other times out of love, awe of the grace of God, or His goodness.  There have been times I am so overwhelmed  that I fall to my knees with my arms open wide or my face flat on the floor.  In good times and bad God has never left me and His presence remains.  Even when it seems as though my world is falling apart.  When I close my eyes to worship, I hear the voice of the Lord, He quiets my weary soul, and it is as if no one else around me exists...  

As I worshipped God today, I was reminded of the very person who taught me the foundation of worship.  My Abuela.  Whom today I warred and prayed for in my own worship.  When I was a little girl, I watched as she turned on the stereo, popped in her CD, and sang along to music in worship to the Lord.  She would close her eyes and open her arms in reverence to God.  She never cared what anyone thought... All that mattered in that moment was her Lord.  To this day her heart for God remains the same, nothing has ever been able to quench her thirst.  Even as she was preparing to head into surgery Monday night, awaiting whatever fate the doctors had for her on Tuesday.  She told me she knew Jesus would be with her.  I am sure even as she remains in a coma, she is even worshipping God in her slumber.  

You see "worshippers" don't just worship God when we're singing on stage or sitting in church.  "Worshippers" praise God all day long.  In the car, in the office, etc... Anywhere we are the moment we turn on the music our spiritual warfare begins, our time alone with God becomes instantaneous.  Even in a crowded room, it is as if no one else exists but the Lord.

Worship is so much more than words on a page.  Worship is intimate, it touches the heart of God, heals, delivers, it connects you with your savior.  

When you are happy worship God, 

When you are sad worship God, 

When you are hurt or scared worship God, 

When you are confused worship God,

When you need answers worship God.

If you can't feel him as you are worshipping, keep pressing in.  Just as the woman pressed into the crowd to get to Jesus.  The moment she touched the edge of his garment healing filled her body and Jesus felt the power of God leave his body to heal her.  Don't let anything or anyone get in your way.  Press in.  Fill yourself up with the Lord and who you are in Him.  This is what is birthed in the heart of a "worshipper".  "Worshippers" instantaneously know how to warfare in the Spirit, how to press into the crowds of people to touch just the edge of His garment, how to use music as a tool to open the door for God to heal hearts and change lives.  These traits are birthed within our Spirit, our inner man craves to know God in this way and yearns to worship God.  In fact, I could worship God all day.  I just love His presence...  Make your first priority His presence.  If you seek Him, you will find Him.  

♥ In Him,

  Marisa

"My sheep that are My own hear and are listening to my voice; and I know them, and they follow Me."  ~ John 10:27 

"And a certain woman which had an issue of blood twelve years, And suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered but rather grew worse.  When she had heard of Jesus, came in pressed behind, and touched his garment.  For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole.  And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that was healed of that plague..."  ~ Mark 5:25-29

"You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.  I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.  I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands."  ~ Psalm 63:1-4

Things I loved about my dear friend Eric Grodberg...

Things I loved about my dear friend Eric Grodberg...

*how he cared and prayed for his Father during his bout with cancer.

*how he handled losing his father to cancer with grace, hope, faith, and such strength...he held onto God ever so tightly and knowing God would carry him through.

*how he cared for and loved his mother after his father passed from cancer.

*he was a loyal friend.

*an honest friend.

*welcoming and hospitable, from the moment we met him.

*wittiness.

*goofiness.

*yet the ability to have deep, caring and thoughtful conversations.

*leadership, just like his father.

*Godly example.

*his willingness to share his amazing testimony of a flawed man, whose life was changed by God.

*the way he teased me when I cried in a movie with all the boys.

*when I texted him "haha", he always had fun teasing me about that too.

*his dancing skills at video games, haha, wait did I just say that?

*his delicious pumpkin pancakes.

*his love for learning.

*he liked the stars and knew quite a bit about how intricately God made them.

*his NYC stories.

*enjoyed spur of the moment trips with friends.

*his love for ultimate frisbee.

*his determination to finish school and complete his degree, which he did.

*greeting my family/friends when we came into Bubbakoos.

*he loved coffee and his favorite shop was "The Inkwell" in Long Branch, NJ.

*he loved Ocean Grove and telling the story of what it was years ago, and what it became for his parents through their love story.

*I actually recorded the above ^in a video on Eric's birthday one year as he gave my sister, Justin, and I a tour, he told me I wasn't allowed to post it on FB. But he was the best tour guide I've ever had in Ocean Grove, NJ.

*if we arrived late at the 8am service, he'd always sit behind us, poke my sister and I and make us laugh! During service, oops! 

*his love for friends and bringing them together, new with old.

*he knew of my love for cupcakes and told me which coffee shops sold them.

*he'd always take home leftover sweets, my Mom loved that too.

*his love for doing anything to just hang out with his friends - bbq's, movies at a friends, frisbee, out to watch a game or head to the theatre, etc... 

*the way he'd pet our dog Gideon and tease him because he is an adorable little poodle, that I dress...Eric affectionately called poor Giddy, "princess"...I think he got a kick out of me saying he's a boy Eric, haha.

*he had a lot of knowledge.

*his ability to make you laugh and smile, when you just had tears streaming down your face.

*he knew a lot of really interesting things.

*he met people were they were at.

*he accepted people where they were.

*he was the best small group leader ever and made every meeting exciting and encouraging.

*he introduced/brought together our group of friends...without him and his willingness to open his home, there would be no "us", as a whole unit, only single units. We are forever grateful.

*he carried the legacy of his father in so many ways, George, he too was another great man who opened his home and his heart to people.

*he left his own legacy, that will be carried on through so many lives and will forever remain in our hearts...   

Memories, sweet memories... ♥♥♥ 

"Our Hope Endures" ~ In Memoriam of Eric. ♥

Natalie Grant ~ "Our Hope Endures"

You would think only so much can go wrong
Calamity only strikes once
And you assume this one has suffered her share
Life will be kinder from here
Oh, but sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

How do we comprehend peace within pain?
Or joy at a good man's wake?
Walk a mile with the woman whose body is torn
From illness, but she marches on.
Oh, 'cause sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

Emmanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
We never walk alone
And this is our hope

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

Wow, heard this song today for the millionth time but this time it spoke to me in a completely different way.  Perhaps, because this time it became more personal... Just two days ago, we lost our dear friend Eric Grodberg.  He was tragically killed by a man who decided to run a red light at 11:00pm on April 9, 2013.  Eric was loved by so many and brought many of my friends together, including a few friends with their significant others.  Just a few years ago (2009) Eric's father, George passed from cancer after being treated it for it a few years ago.  Eric moved back to Toms River from NYC in 2006, it seems God knew long before we did...that his parents and brother would need him, many people would be influenced by Eric's life back in Toms River, and that he would serve a purpose far greater than he ever imagined.  Only God knew how precious everyone's time with Eric would be from 2006-2009...

Tomorrow morning I will post another blog I have drafted before we head to say our final goodbye's to a dear friend of ours.  Writing and singing have always been therapeutic for me, coincidentally my friend Eric loved reading and writing, so I hope he enjoys my writings... This was difficult for me to write without tears, but the photos below made me smile.  So I decided to share those as well.

Tomorrow is going to be a tough day, filled with lots of tears, hugs, and memories of Eric that will make us smile and laugh...  A day in memoriam of our dear friend Eric Grodberg.  A day where we share our love for Eric with his precious mother Bonnie, brother Scott, his wife Trish, and his girlfriend Allison.  He will be greatly missed... It is often said "Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."  Eric was this kind of friend.  He is one with whom God must have surely been pleased...  Thank you for being my friend Eric.  I was truly blessed to have a friendship with you and your father, through whom I met you... You will be missed more than you can imagine.  Heaven has gained another angel.  Say hello to your father George and Scott Panepinto for me!  Give them a big hug for me too!  I'm sure you guys are having a huge party up there, jokes and all...      

♥  And one more thing I must say you have an amazing mother!  When I heard the news I was hurt, but immediately thought of your sweet mother.  Bonnie who is a beautiful woman, Godly, and with strength I could only dream having.  Her faith in God, her hope, and ability to remain steadfast are worthy of honor.  She is the epitome of a Proverbs 31 woman... I admire her, more than you ever knew, in fact more than she knows...  I will continue to pray for her and keep your memory alive my friend.     

  ♥  Friends as we grieve for our loss here on Earth tomorrow and rejoice in Heaven's gain... we must remember, "Emmanuel, God is with us.  El Shaddai, all sufficient.  We never walk alone... Our hope endures the worst of conditions... Our Hope is unchanged."    

  

♥  Rest in Peace :: Eric 4.9.13


Eric Grodberg :: Obituary

He said...

God has been sending me little reminders of his love all day...guess what?  He knew I needed encouragement.  And He knows what you need too... This song, "He Said", written and sung by Group 1 Crew is a great reminder of that!  Be blessed.  ♥


"He Said" ~ Group 1 Crew


So your life feels like it don't make sense
And you think to yourself, "I'm a good person,
So why do these things keep happening? "
Why you gotta deal with them
You may be knocked down now, but don't forget
What He said, He said

"I won't give you more
No more than you can take
And I might let you bend
But I won't let you break
And know, I'll never, ever let you go"
Don't you forget what He said
Don't you forget what He said, He said

Who you are ain't what you're going through
So don't let it get the best of you
'Cause God knows everything you need
So you ain't gotta worry
You may be knocked down now, but just believe what He said

He said "I won't give you more
No more than you can take
And I might let you bend
But I won't let you break
And know I'll never ever let you go"
Don't you forget what He said

Don't fear when you go through the fire
Hang On when it's down to the wire
Stand tall and remember what He said

"I won't give you more
No more than you can take
And I might let you bend
But I won't let you break"

"I won't give you more
No more than you can take
And I might let you bend
But I won't let you break
And know I'll never ever let you go"
Don't you forget what He said

He said, what He said
Don't you forget what He said
What He said

Abuela Cordero's Pastelón (Sweet Plaintain “Lasagna”)

Abuela Cordero's Pastelón  (Sweet Plaintain Lasagna)  

One of my favorite Puerto Rican dishes that my Mom has made since I was little.  She learned how to make this dish from her mother. This recipe is a Cordero version of Pastelón with my Abuela and Mother's flair added to the dish.  It is delicious!  I could eat for days!  ...I made it for my friends Nikki, Kristen, Carter, and Heather during my visit to Lynchburg, VA this past weekend.  And let me tell you they loved it and raved that it was worth the wait!  :)  

1 lb. of ground turkey
1 garlic clove
1 small onion or 1/2 a big onion chopped
1/2 c. diced peppers (any variety)
Adobo
2 big scoops of sofrito
1 small can (8 oz.) of Goya seasoned tomato sauce
8 plaintains
2 packages of shredded mexican (mixed) cheese
Butter/cooking spray
1 bag of green beans




Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  Chop onions and garlic into small pieces.

  
Slice plantains horizontally into pieces, about 1 centimeter thick.  Be careful not to cut too thin, as they will be used to layer.  Place the plantains in a skillet and fry till golden.  In another skillet add a tablespoon of olive oil and turkey meat, cook until meat is brown.  Sprinkle Adobo on the meat as it is cooking.  Mix in 2 scoops of Sofrito, 2 scoops of Goya tomato sauce, chopped onion, and chopped peppers. In a medium sized pot cook 1 bag of green beans. 

Coat a glass pan (rectangular) with butter or cooking spray, to avoid the lasagna sticking to the pan.  Now you may begin layering.  Layers are as follows:  plantains, turkey meat, green beans,and cheese.  Repeat till your glass pan is full.  Place the completed dish in the pre-heated oven and bake for 20 minutes. Once it has finished cooking it will come out just like a lasagna...Boricua style with my Abuela's personal flavoring!! :)  Enjoy!!

This recipe is dedicated to my sweet friend Nicole, who is a latina at heart. Love you Nik.  ♥ Now you have your recipe!! :)   

 

Wait ♥

"Wait" ~Unknown  ♥

Desperately, Helpelessly, Lovingly I cried.
Quietly, Patiently, Lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate.
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."

"Wait, You say, Wait." My indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened, or have you not heard?
By Faith I have asked and am claiming your Word.
My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in balance, and you tell me Wait?
I'm needing a 'Yes,' a go-ahead sign,
Or even a "No' to which I can resign.
And Lord, you promised that if we believe 
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."
Then quietly, softly I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You Must Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, "So I'm Waiting, for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the Heavens and darken the sun,
I could raise the dead, cause the mountains to run.
All you ask I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My Love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing that I'm there;
You'd not know that joy of resting in me
When darkness and silence was all you could see;
You would never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give and save, for a start,
But You'd not know the depth of the beat of My Heart,
The glow of My Comfort, Late in the night,
The Faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The Depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, that makes what you have last.
You never would know, should your pain quickly flee
What it means that 'My Grace is sufficient for thee!'
Yes, your dreams for that loved one overnight would come true,
But oh the loss, if I lost what I'm doing in you!
So be silent, My Child, and in time you see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me,
As though oft may My Answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still: 'Wait."

I am sure, many of us can relate to the message the author was conveying when they wrote this poem.  It so real and genuine that it speaks to the core of our heart.  I feel like, all too often this is a converstion we have with God.  On certain occasions, we make it a tug-of-war over who has control of our fate...all the while God is telling us to "WAIT" for the answer. The waiting process can be a refining fire, if we relinquish control and allow God mold us. Through the quietness He speaks to our heart and soul.  

It should come as no surprise, that waiting is a very consistent process in life.  What we sometimes fail to remember is that how we handle that waiting will determine our outcome and mindset.  In addition, waiting has the capability to remove self-reliance and teach us to abide in God.  I am sure each of us could come up with a list of things we are waiting for in a matter of seconds, but what would we learn from that?  A better use of that list would be placing at the feet of our Lord, who indeed knows what is best as we embark on the journey of waiting... 

♥ I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in His Word I put my hope.  ♥

 ~ Psalms 130:5 

Back At My Heart

Welcome!  Before officially launching a blog for months I debated the idea of having one and what name I would give it...You see I am a writer , I was a born a writer.  What God speaks to my heart I write and I journal.  Some things I choose to share and some I keep private.  Not only is it therapeutic , but a way for me to see how far I have come and the awesome things God has done in my life. ...The first blog post name I chose , "Back At My Heart" was inspired by the lyrics of the wonderfully talented Natalie Grant.  If you have never listened to her music , I suggest you do! 

Wow.  Can anyone else relate to this?  I know I most certainly can.  Psalm 147 : 3 says , "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."  How many of us are broken-hearted or have been before?  I would suffice to say we all have been.  At one point in our lives , someone or something has broken our heart.  Do you hide your fears and pains?  Personally , I am strong and I hold it together for other individuals.  From the outside looking in , you may never how I am feeling or what I am going through.  Underneath the mask , I have my own scars, bruises, and insecurities that only God can see.  If you know me really, really well... you will know when I am wearing my heart on my sleeve by the way I express myself.  However , there are only a handful of people that do and I can count them with my hands.  At times , I have learned to hold it together just as easily for those people.  Many of us choose to mask the scars and the pain, desperate for something or someone to make us whole.  

As I mentioned before there are many times I have been broken, and there is nothing wrong with that.  For you see , when we are broken the Lord is there to make us whole , breathe new life into us , and bind up our wounds.  I've learned no one can mend my broken heart like the love of God. Psalm 34 : 18 says , "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  The Maker of all things desires to make you and I whole.  Amy Carmichael once said , "It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires which He creates."  Who better to mend our hearts then the One who created it?  Are you seeking Him in your brokenness?  I know I am , I am desperate... and God knows just where to start , at the back of my heart. ♥